"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they're gifts given to help you discover who you are."

Friday, May 24, 2013

Still waiting

Another update in the off chance that there are any readers of this pathetic blog still out there.  Not a lot of news.  In a nutshell:  chemo, chemo, chemo, scan.  chemo, chemo, chemo scan. Currently waiting for the next scan date to roll around after completing round 6 (but who's counting?).
 
Playing in my head how I'll answer inquires re: the results.  1) NED--asker will be happy; I'll pretend to be. I won't tell them that this only buys me a brief respite from chemo, but in all likelihood its just that.
2) Cancerous activity still present--asker will say 'that sucks'.  I'll say yes...yes, it does.

I've been doing a lot of "cancer reading".  This, as opposed to reading I'd really prefer to be doing..something fluffy and entertaining that my brain won't have to think too much about.
Anway, I've read everything from the '50 things you must do', most of which consisted of positive thinking, positive imaging, curing your cancer with positive thoughts, blah blah blah. I kept thinking of all the people who have died from cancer and how positive they were to the bitter end.  It's easy to preach positivity when you no longer have cancer.  Another book suggested that cancer was crazy and sexy.  Not.
Read a lot of upbeat little words of wisdom for cancer patients.  All of this is making me want to puke.  I have a couple more...haven't made it thru the 'love and miracles' genre yet.  I just gotta quit buying used books from Amazon.

The best advice I've run into came from a family therapist my oncologist recommended. 
I paraphrase......If you're not actively dying, you're living.  Get all the logistical crap associated with dying behind you so you can focus on living.

I'm living!