I have written in the past about wanting to remember what going through a cancer diagnosis and treatment felt like. For some reason I feel obligated to keep it fresh in my memory....mostly because coming out of it alive and well made me so APPRECIATIVE of life. And of being able to get back to 'normal'. Thankful for being healthy. I embraced it even while getting over the harsh impacts of radiation to the pelvis. I was so glad to put it behind me. Happy to be able to see my daughter grow up, to see my stepkids becoming successful adults and to see their kids grown up, happy to spend time with family and to see things not yet experienced that the world has to offer . That feeling of being so blessed was almost a narcotic feeling. Like that warm fuzzy you get from oxycodone. Who wouldn't want to keep that feeling around, if it were legal and you could still function productively?
Well, I've hit the one year mark a couple months ago and I can feel that warmth starting to seep away. The routine of every day life is creeping in and taking over. In a meager effort to ward off the impending (and inevitable?) fading of the memories, I did what any vaginal cancer survivor would do.....I got a tattoo. Incorporated a dove (sign of peace and of long life) with the teal ribbon. I like it. Every time I look down at it I will remember that I lived through the challenge. I'll post a pic once it heals completely. Oh, and it hurt a lot more than the little radiation tats on my butt :)
Dee, thank you for telling your story. I was diagnosed w/ vaginal cancer in Sept. 2011. I though I was the only person out there with this type of cancer. It's such a personal thing, and it's hard to tell everyone, as you noted. I've been thru chemo, radiation and a BIG surgery to remove everything but my bladder. Luckily I had reconstruction and the healing goes on.... Your blog is incredible and I can relate to almost all of it!!!! Congrats on passing your 1 year mark!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comment! I can't tell you how much it means to me to know that I reached someone else with vaginal cancer. I started this with the sole intention of telling my story to help other women diagnosed with the same kind of cancer. There is so little honest information available; it is not easy to talk about so people just avoid it. I am glad you're on the road to recovery; hope the worst is behind you!
DeleteDee, thank you for answering!!! I think (I KNOW) the worst is behind me. The surgery was the worst!!! It was in Feb., not Jan. I still have chemo brain! My surgeons said I was clean and free of cancer when they were finished. It was stage 4 (not in the lymph nodes), so I have a bad habit of worrying about it coming back. But MOST of the time I am positive and I know I am in the 57% of 5 yr. survivors!!!! I felt better knowing you had made the 1 year mark! You have helped me so much by posting your story. Keep up the good work!!!
ReplyDeleteSorry you had to endure surgery and reconstruction; that must have been tough. It's all downhill from here! Keep me posted on your progress; and thanks so much for your words of encouragement. You've inspired me to keep writing, albeit occasionally.
ReplyDeletePlease keep writing. It helps me so much to know I am not alone. I read your last blog, and I totally understand how you feel about having a cancer that you can't really talk to people about. After I was diagnosed and the initial shock wore somewhat off, I wondered what could I do to help others in the same situation. I didn't realize at the time, no one really talks about this, even though it is so important, esp. w/ HPV causing most all of it. I have also been married to the same man for 27 years (together 29 yrs), and this bad ass virus must lurk around for decades before rearing it's ugly head! It's so important both girls and boys get the vaccines EARLY!!! But it's something most people don't talk about. If they only knew......
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, if you don't mind me asking--did you have a hysterectomy before your diagnosis?
ReplyDeleteD.
No, they did that with the big surgery. I had no idea I had cancer before they found it. I had bleeding off and on, but was told I was close to menopause, so it happens. I've been lucky so far, not having hot flashes. I usually freeze most of the time (been indoors since it's hot as Hades here!). I read you new blog and I understand how hard it is to share this type of cancer. It is wonderful you want to help others going through cancer, please don't give up on vaginal cancer, I know there aren't alot of us, but there are over 2600 cases each year here, I just don't know where everyone is!!! I guess it's the stigma of the type of cancer we have. Somehow we all need to unite and get this out in the open so maybe we can prevent others from going through the hell we have! You have started the fight, we all just need to get on board with you!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing now? Any residual effects from treatments?
Life getting back to normal?
Hope all is well,
D.