I talked to someone yesterday who is going through chemo and radiation for the first time. I struggled with whether or not to share my experiences. In the end I decided not to (he is a coworker, and I would have had far too much explaining to do). Another thing I may live to regret, and another reason to wish I had come clean when I was going through it all.
I'm frustrated with myself for not opening up. Why is it so much easier with strangers?
I still have a desire to help others, but I may have to branch out from helping those struggling specifically with vaginal cancer; seems our ranks are pretty limited.
I've been in this game now for over 5 years. The longer I'm in it - the easier it is to talk to people who don't know me. Having a cancer that is slowly growing, ever-present - but not having any way to pay for treatments (renal cell doesn't respond to traditional chemo and radiation - so we are stuck with drugs that have very low response rates, high toxicity or even experimental drugs) has made some family sort of forget what I go through.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to tell them all my symptoms and sound like a broken record over and over about the pain I'm in. People used to ask how I was doing. They have stopped. Some days I just wish someone would ask 'how are you feeling?'
And from your previous posts - I'm right with you about hating doctors. I have a laundry list of reasons to not like or trust some of them :)
So yes - it is often easier to talk with strangers. I have found that it is personally easier to blog about my pain and fears than to talk about it with those that love me. Quite frankly, those who are closest to us have a harder time hearing how we 'really ' feel.
And blogging is SO therapeutic anyways....