"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they're gifts given to help you discover who you are."

Saturday, January 2, 2016

There Should Be a Manual for This

The news this week was grim.  After getting through a rough round #1 of radioembolization to the right lobe of the liver, round #2 to the left is not to be.  While there was some progress seen from the process (reduced SUV values on the biggest tumors) there were also numerous new tumors in both the right and left that were not there on the last scan in Oct.  And the nasty little disease has decided to take up residence in some fairly significant boney areas--left shoulder blade, left upper arm, ribs, vertebrae. So while we've had bad news before, this is the mother lode of bad news.  It's in your bones, kid.  There's nothing we can do for you, kid.  Get your affairs in order, kid. 
Fuck it anyway.  If it were just me, I'd be tempted to be somewhat thankful that the nightmare will be ending shortly.  But I can never, ever get to that point because I have a girlie that needs me.  A teenager that will be devastated, and will need to figure out the rest of her life without either parent.
The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.  She has been my everything, and I feel so damn guilty for leaving her with this load of shit.
I find myself wishing there was an owners manual, a users guide of sorts, to go to for reference on how to die.  What should I be doing a few months out?  A few weeks out?  Is it too early to sell all my shit?  Where will I live if I sell my house?  Who's going to take my pain in the ass OCD dog that  never stops moving? Um, I guess I should consider disability now?  Who wants to spend their last weeks on earth going to work? But do I really want to sit home alone all day?

Yep, I need a self-help book on this topic. How To Die in 10 Easy Steps. Can't find it on Amazon.

3 comments:

  1. Hello Dee, All those questions...the thoughts that are such a cavalcade, spinning through your head, all so painful - it must be so crushingly exhausting. Wish I could be with you to just sit quietly and hold your hand...Sometimes TANW - (there are no words)just as there are no manuals. Fucking cancer -sucks a big one. Much love, and here for you always,
    Karen

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  3. Most prostate cancers are adenocarcinomas, cancers that arise in glandular cells of the prostate’s epithelial tissue. Prostate cancers usually progress slowly and produce no symptoms in the initial stages. Eventually, the tumor may enlarge like mine too, the prostate gland, pressing on the urethra and causing painful or frequent urination and blood in the urine. So I was so uncomfortable with this prostate cancer diseases then I decided to do online search on how to cure cancer because I well have read a lot about herbal medicine, I came across a lot of testimony how Dr Itua cure HIV/herpes then Cancer was listed below the comment.with courage I contacted Dr Itua and he sent me his herbal medicine through Courier service then I was asked to pick it up at my post office which i quickly did. I contacted Dr Itua that I have received my herbal medicine so he instructed me on how to drink it for three weeks and that is how Dr Itua Herbal Medicine cures my prostate Cancer, The treatment takes three weeks and I was cured completely. Dr Itua is a god sent and I thank him every day of my life. Contact him now On:    Email:drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com/   Whatsapp:+2348149277967.
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