Post radiation issues--hip pain, hot flashes and peeing my pants

So the ambivalent "all clear" was anti-climatic.  Just kind of went back to life as normal before this whole cancer thing interrupted me. Not that I ever stopped......working, going to school events, doing homework, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, parenting.  Cancer treatment was just something else added to the list. The new found free time was quickly eaten up again by more of the above. Slowly over the course of the next few weeks, then months I started noticing changes in how I felt.  It was like the old bod started to betray me. 
First came the hip pain.  Not hugely painful during the day, but it was always there...nagging at me. Only became intolerable at night when I tried to sleep.  My oncologist dismissed it and told me to go get a bone density scan.  Thanks for that...It was disconcerting enough that I finally gave in and found a general practioner. She diagnosed it as "bursitis" which I thought was a load of crap at the time.  Bursitis is basically just inflammation of some sac of fluid around the joint.  She told me to leave it alone and it would go away by itself. It did--eventually.  Never did get the damn bone density scan. Hips are good now.

In the meantime, I started having hot flashes that were extreme enough to make me want to take a cliff.  They came often and intensely.  I started counting them....up to over 70 one day before 10 AM.  I had been warned about this "Radiation Induced Menopause".  Basically the radiation had turned my ovaries into charcoal briquettes.  I always thought that the old ladies whining about hot flashes were wimpy prissies.  Holy cripes, was I wrong. They really suck.  Supposedly being "forced" into menopause makes the conditions even more extreme. I couldn't sleep.  I got really really bitchy (or so I've been told). I broke into cold sweats so many times a day I started bringing a clean cami to work to change into mid-day.
I went back to aforementioned GP who told me to loose some weight, start getting some exercise.  Briefly mentioned the pros (even out the mood swings, eliminate the hot flashes) and cons (migraines, increased risk of breast cancer) of hormone replacement therapy. Then she asked me if I was depressed and suggested a couple of different antidepressants....
I never went back.  Have I mentioned how much I dislike doctors?

So just when I thought that every hot flash was the mother of all other hot flashes, I started having issues with incontinence.  Christ, really?  Haven't I been through enough?  Now I have to start dribbling in my pants like some 95 year old granny?  This made me cry, possibly for the first time during this adventure.  Had I really come out on the other side to live like this? It was frustrating, humiliating, and scary.  The whole reason the treatment course--chemo and radiation--was prescribed (as opposed to surgery) was because of the tumor's proximity to the bladder.  As my oncologist said "you're too young to live the rest of your life collecting your urine in a bag".  Suddenly a bag was sounding pretty good.  I started carrying around a spare pair of undies. Pretty soon I'd have to be making a full wardrobe change at lunch....  I used panty shields, then upgraded to Poise pads.  Thank God the issue gradually faded and then disappeared entirely before I had to upgrade to Depends.

These were the first three, and a Big 3 they were. But stay tuned; it gets better as we move into The Big Bowel Adventures.