I mentioned that recently I've started to explore cancer sites and cancer blogs. Part of me can't seem to let go of my experience, part of me wants to know more about it....education is prevention, right?
Recurrance is never far from my mind.
I thought I started this blog to help others who may be just beginning the winding path of this experience, but maybe I started it to help myself. If I document it, I won't forget it, right? I don't really want to forget it. I don't want to go back to life as usual. I should have learned something earth shattering, somthing life changing. Returning to my previously non-descript existence makes it all seem so pointless. I wanted it to change my life. It really hasn't. I haven't stopped working too many hours. I haven't become a better parent, a better wife, a better person. I haven't found God. I haven't devoted my free time to a worthy cause.
So I keep searching for answers. I keep hoping for some sign that someone is reading and getting something out of this blog. I really would like to know that it's helping someone at some point. But I've had no comments. Well, actually one really irrelevant comment that I deleted because it contained a link to a salmonella site. (WTF?)
I have not shared the fact that I have a blog with my family or friends, so I'm hoping to suck in random strangers from search engines and other cancer sites.
Speaking of which, that may be a good topic for a post unto itself....sharing your cancer diagnosis and treatment experience. Or not.
YES there are people reading your blog and I do believe it helps people. I have been reading different blogs as i await the results of a pathology report. I do not know that it is cancer but the doctor seemed to think it can be. I appreciate your and others willingness to share these scary and intimate stories. All the what ifs are very scary and overwhelming but it does help reading other peoples stories. I agree another good topic to post would be about sharing your diagnosis and treatment experiences. Thank you for sharing
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. I know that I would have appreciated having someone else's experience to guide the way. Information on this particular cancer/treatment is somewhat tough to come by.
DeleteI wish you all the best with your results.
Hi Dee. I just found your blog through the Being Cancer Network site, and wanted to let you know that I was reading! I can really identify with the feeling that your life should somehow be transformed for the better by cancer and that something has gone awry when this doesn't happen (in fact, I was considering a post on this topic myself at some stage!). I'll pop you on my brand new blog roll and be back....
ReplyDeleteLiz
Thanks Liz! I wonder how many cancer survivors actually transform their lives vs. how many WISH they had transformed their lives. I keep thinking maybe I didn't come quite close enough to death to start over. Maybe I just feel guilty for being alive? Or maybe I'm just an overachiever feeling lost in the sea of anonymous cancer bloggers.
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