I'm starting to think (and blog) in bullet points. Too much time in powerpoint meetings? Perhaps.
This is where my mind was during a particularly dull one today....
Thank you, cancer experience. You have brought me:
1) A quicker recognition of simply beautiful things. You can't appreciate spring flowers when you don't feel well or when you are consumed with staying alive. I see them now. I see them immediately and gaze a little longer than I used to.
2) An appreciation for good health. A return to health makes you appreciate more what you had, then lost--the ability to get through a day without thinking about how crappy you feel or look. I only hope I don't go back to taking it for granted.
3) Empathy for those who have had a much tougher journey than I have. I want to help those just entering the cancer chaos, but I don't know how to reach them; how to connect or what to say or do. I want to tell them that they will make it through to the other side and that in the year to come they'll be creating their own list, if only in their head.
4) The freedom to not stress about keeping up with friends and family. Those that truly care are always there...regardless of whether you've talked to them or sent them a text or an email in the last six months. Some of the strongest human connections I have are rekindled fairly infrequently.
5) The opportunity to see how the friends and family referenced above reacted. Still trying not to be bitter in some regards; I'm sure some had good reasons for indifference or avoidance. I hope I can be better than that. It's kind of like going to your own funeral; you get to see who "shows up" for you.
6) A personal growth experience that I would have missed had I not been diagnosed and gone through the ups and downs (okay mostly downs) of treatment and recovery from treatment. Some people actually pay life coaches for this kind of stuff .
7) A glimpse into a world of internet connections that I never knew existed. I've "met" women on line who have wonderful stories to tell; women who are marvelously talented writers and are actively sharing their intensely personal tales of cancer diagnosis, treatment, and life. Yes, life goes on amid it all and it's fascinating to see the sunshine of shifting perspective among survivors and the remarkable optimism of those still struggling to beat it.
8) The ability to put my feet up after a long, tense day and not feel guilty about it. OK, admittedly still working on this one but I'm clearly not as type A as I used to be....
9) An increased ability to speak professionally. I have less fear about making my points known; I'm less intimidated by being surrounded by intelligent men. On second thought, this may have more to do with age or hormones (or lack thereof) than cancer.
10) Menopause. Speaking of hormones...cancer has brought me roughly and abruptly into the "change of life". Several years sooner than I would have gotten here without the aid of radiation, but what the hey. I can say I got it over with; one less thing on the great 'to do' list of life.
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