Recurrence

Sorry to drag out the end of that adventure....just realized it's been awhile since I posted the initial uncertainty.  The liver biopsy procedure has come and gone, and not surprisingly it was positive for cancer in the liver.  I got to see the spot on the ultrasound; it looked pretty little and harmless.
The appointment with the oncologist has been changed a couple of times now...she's on vacation for the holidays don't ya know. 
So I plod along in blissful ignorance of what is coming at me; the only shreds of information I got via a poorly connected international phone call from her nurse when I was traveling for work.
Here's what I gleaned:

• they don't usually radiate the liver
• surgery is not an option, but the "why" would need to be addressed by the doc
• radiation to the pelvis is questionnable, since I've already had so much in that area.
• more chemo is probably in my future

Everything I read about vaginal cancer that has metastisized to the liver is pretty grim.  It's somewhat surreal; I feel fine.  How can I be in the shrinking percentages as far as survival goes?  How can this be happening to me? 
I still haven't stopped and taken the time to seriously contemplate my mortality.
Still working towards a huge deadline/project/goal at work, wondering how I'd going to fit chemo into my 12 hour days.
Still working on raising that teenager; wondering how she will grow up to be a successful and happy adult without me around to guide her...
Geez, this cancer stuff sucks.

The other shoe

So PET scans are an annual event now....recently had the 2012 occasion only to hear the following day (shocking, I know...) from my oncologists' office.  Wanted to see me earlier than scheduled to review the report from the radiologist.  I'm thinking "this can't be good", but never called them back.  Didn't have time to reschedule on the day they wanted me to come in.  I guess avoidance isn't going to work; her nurse called me the day after to explain, in a kind and gentle manner, that there were, and I quote..."2 areas lighting up....one at the top of the vagina and another on the liver." 
Next up:  CT guided liver biopsy.  You can't make this stuff up.
All I could think was "Fuck, I don't have time for this...."