We're now into August; summer is flying by. Since I have connected with a few people here, and am still hopeful that I'm providing some help to someone somewhere by sharing this story, I feel somewhat obligated to continue posting--even if sporadically. Most days I'm so sick and tired of dealing with cancer...thinking about it, reading about it, living with it, that I'd prefer to do something mindless as opposed to blogging about my cancer experience.
As positive as I've tried to be here, the truth is my reality kinda sucks. Chemo for life is a grim road; I'm not gonna lie. Truth is I've felt like shit for about 5 months now. After months of complaining about chest pressure, abdominal pain, and telling docs and nurses that the current chemo combo (Cisplatin and Navelbine) is killing me, I got sent to a gastro doc who found a hiatel hernia and
H Pylori. So perhaps I'm not going to have a heart attack anytime soon, and perhaps the current antibiotics to kill the stomach bacteria will make me feel better once I get over having to crap about 12 times a day. Maybe there is light at the end of this incredibly long tunnel after all.
In other news, I'm trying to get into a clinical trial at the NCI in Bethesda, MD. It's an incredibly slow process and will likely be pretty unpleasant, but I know that immunotherapy is the future of effective treatment, so seems like the right thing to do. Still in limbo at this point.
The last bit of suckiness here is that my husband has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. His urologist insists that it's completely treatable, and that it's a very slow growing cancer. Still trying to process it. I'm strangely immune to the news, and my focus is on providing some semblance of strength and security for my daughter going forward.
So if I ever have the time and energy to actually do some deep and contemplative writing, I have plenty of fodder for blogging.
dear Dee,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have had to suffer through so much, but I am so glad the probable cause and treatment for it may give you much needed relief. the news about your husband's prostate cancer is, indeed, totally fucking sucky.
i will send big hope that you get into the clinical trial asap, and out of that dumb, stupid limbo place. will be anxious to hear about how it's being conducted.
your daughter is so lucky to have such a wonderful Mother, looking out for her and making sure her well-being is a major priority.
sending you BIG hope, and lots of warm hugs...
with much love,
Karen
Thanks Karen. As always, I appreciate your words more than you know. I'm a little awkward about posting stuff about feeling crappy---who wants to read that downer news? But I keep thinking that the REAL face of cancer gets far too little attention. The truth is it sucks so badly that words can't even do it justice. But you know that. Hope all is well with you.
ReplyDelete~D.