I've been avoiding this for awhile now...its as difficult to write about as it is to talk about.
Gradually over the past week or so, the truth of the situation has slowly sifted through me.
Call me dense. It's taken awhile. Apparently it's not like in the movies when the doc says "sorry ma'am, but you only have xxx months to live." I had to read between the lines, make some inferences based on experience, and then do a little research on my own.
Some phrases I remember:
"We don't have a crystal ball".
"We're going to treat it very aggressively, because of your age" (which made me wonder....does that mean they DON'T treat older people aggresively?)
"You might want to make sure you have a will; take care of your children"
"Cancerous cells in the liver indicate that they're in the bloodstream, which means a new level of pervasiveness"
"Gradually, the chemo stops working"
I started this blog in an effort to inspire other women facing vaginal cancer. I'm sorry if I'm not being very inspirational right now. This blog may take a new turn....
Basically right now I am just pissed. Trying to stay positive, but I really have no idea what to do or how to deal with this. Everytime I think about all the details I wanted to see watching my daughter grow up, all the life events that will happen without me, I am overwhelmed with sadness and panic.
Seeing a liver surgeon on Monday. Wish me luck.
My prayers are with you
ReplyDeleteThank Anon; appreciate that.
ReplyDelete~D.
Hello D,
ReplyDeleteLike you I have cancer, a different kind of cancer. Yet with a tumour in the vagina. For two years I was indicated as being palliative.
That phrase "because of your age" the doctors told me too. That and a few other reasons made the doctors suggest a very drastic surgery. They want to remove my vagina, vulva and all other womanly bodyparts.
I will continue reading further posts to see how you're doing.
Wishing you strength to continue.
Josi
Hi Josi,
ReplyDeleteI don't know a lot about the surgery...assuming you mean pelvic exenteration? One of the readers that has commented here in the past has had the surgery and perhaps can offer some information that will be helpful to you.
It is a long and lonely road we're on; glad you found the blog and hope you find something you can relate to. It helps to know you're not the only one out there!
Take care of yourself,
~D.